happy birthday daddy

So it's the hubby's birthday and I've seen him all of one minute... hopefully he will be home with the boys soon... they got to go to the frederick keys game for free today, they got to sit in a sky box, snacks, drinks and fireworks... apparently none of this impressed the little man as much as the girl that was taking care of the sky boxes... my little charmer had her wrapped around his finger, he wouldn't even sit outside for the fireworks with everyone... he wanted to be with her. Poor daddy. Oh well it seems everyone had a great time... wish I didn't have to work:( They also went with grandpa, grandma and the unc!

Happy Birthday Gisor... heh, heh, heh.

mama had a baby and it's head popped off...

remember that silly saying from being a kid and picking the flowers and popping their flower heads off... okay maybe I was just a sadistic child. Anyway I started thinking about it while harvesting flowers... my neighbors must think I'm crazy... I wait until the flowers are at full bloom then I cust them all off, chamomile and lavendar and leave their little bushes all bare. Even better when the chamomile dries I pop the heads off the stems, good thing the neighbors don't see that;) I planted 12 more chamomile plants this week, 2 bee balm plants, 2 yarrow plants and a variety of annual spices in hanging planters so I can try to encourage them to be perennials by hanging them inside when it starts to frost-lemongrass, mints- chocolate, orange, spearmint, mint julep, pineapple sage, lemon verbena, and coriander. Oh the little man and I both enjoyed some raspberries straight off the bush yesterday... red and golden... very yummy!

The little man is much better today... both ears are infected, but the lethargy is gone and his appetite is back. He got far too spoiled yesterday... we moved the guest room tv into his room and bought him a new transformer video... of course this enabled him to stay in bed away from the little guy while doing something fun- to him! While the doctor didn't think he had anything else going on, everyone felt it would be best to keep them separated until the antibiotics kicked in. And in other news the little guys PHE numbers came in yesterday... still not what John Hopkins wants to see but they are over the danger zone now, unfortunately what we knew to expect sometime soon is happening his TY levels have plummeted. We will have to start the process over yet again and retest yet again. At least we have an appt in 2 weeks!

earaches = heartaches

So last night the little man was acting weird, as soon as we adults tried to lay down to sleep, he started really acting weird... mostly asleep but crying like something was killing him. We gave him some meds, but still throughout the night he cried in his sleep... then he "woke" up this morning... totally out of it, totally exhausted, whining... I thought maybe it was sleep deprevation... oh no, at one point he shot up off the sofa screaming pulling on his ear crying I have to go to the doctor NOW. He never gets sick compared to his brother... it's just heartbreaking!

Twilight...

... I love this book. Okay at first I was mad that I got stuck with yet another of her choices, and what thanks... none. Not to mention 500 pages with 7 days to read them... not pleased at all, then I find out it's another sci-fi book... about VAMPIRES !!!!!! argghhhhh... uhmmm... this is why there are book clubs, to get you to read different things... who knows you may love it... as I do Twilight. I think that this is the perfect vampire book for me, it's mostly fiction... girls falls for guy... he just happens to be a vampire, the story follows the two and the obstacles they face, each others families, his dietary needs, his super-natural behaviors, and her charming quirkiness. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!

So I was out today gathering chamomile and a butterfly landed on me... very cool, then later I was collecting lavendar and well a wasp landed on me... very NOT cool. All turned out okay!

exercise, exercise, exercise

Okay so shortly after the last blog entry I got up having had enough of my groggy world, threw in an exercise video and did the whole sequence. I went to work 5pm to 5am and believe it or not I was pumped, completely energized. So after sleeping yesterday morning, when I got up we decided to walk on the Western Maryland Rail Trail... we did 3 miles and I was very proud of all of us, the little man walked about 75% of the way. We stopped at Hepburns Orchard Market for some strawberries... yum! We had a great time! Later we worked in the garden until the thunderstorm poured down on us. Both boys made the summertime discovery of fireflies it was so cute, the little guy kept yelling a daddy... come on, come on catch the fireflies daddy.

So crash and burn today... I over did it! My feet hurt so bad I had to call in sick to the Gap.

Perhaps tomorrow I will sleep in and just go swimming!

Coffee...

... must have coffee, I'm not sure what my deal is, all I want to do lately is sleep. Lisa suggested it was just that time of year, where in my subconscious I'm depressed... probably is the problem. It just sucks because there are all these things I should either be happy about or doing. Of course my little guy is still giving me trouble with eating, maybe that's stressing me, our latest fight was on his "milk" bottle... milk should be easy!!!!!!

Well I did finish the Seekers, it was great, wonderful, terrific... should I go on, I can not wait for the second book to come out. (okay I pretended the bears were cats) It ended kinda with a cliffhanger, that bummed me out, but truely a great read for all ages. It seems as though my Supervisor will again be out next week for the young adult reading group... and so I thought well I will be proactive and get the help of cafe michelle who has read that book and loves that series- the twilght series by stephanie meyers... no luck she'll be on vacation:( so I'm reading twilight now... it's a huge book... but I'm going to honestly try, and I already talked to my GM and explained that I might not read it all... she was okay with that. I also stood up for myself and said basically that A) the girls in the group and myself agree a book a week is too much, and that B) since I'm doing this and the Supervisor is not taking on the resposiblility I would like to take it over! She said they would have to talk about it and go from there.

Tonight is our inventory... I'll be at work until at least 4am... yuck, but we get free eats:)

what did I do in my past lives...

... to get my wonderful child with a hyper gag reflex?

Many of you know that as a girl, I'm not girlie, I love power tools, and I'm not really scared of anything... except gagging, throwing up and vomit... so maybe it's natures way of helping my overcome my phobia. Every summer the little guy won't eat, he won't open his mouth, he gags, he pukes... just my luck:( Yesterday's lunch was the topic of our latest fight/phobia lesson. I finally had to give up with only 3 bites left. It does keep me from eating... probably not a great weight loss plan. I did exercise yesterday... I've been sleeping way too much, so I thought I'd try exercising to wake me up... the one I chose is called 12 second sequence... uhmmmm it kicked my butt. You only do 9 exercises, but you do 4 reps in slow 12 sec motions... resistance training. I feel it only a little today and I have to say I have a bit more energy.

I started the Seekers last night, by Erin Hunter... it is cute even if it is not the usual cat clans. It is following three different bear cubs, each chapter so far is on each bear... polar bear, black bear, brown bear. Very neat, incorporating a lot of astronomy and folk tales from the bears point of veiw. Thumbs up so far.

new hobby, new book series & smart kid

I've found a new thing that I guess could be called a hobby. I have been harvesting my tea garden herbs... chamomile and lavendar... it takes some time as I have to carefully snip off the flowers. It's very relaxing and smells great!

I had to read a book called Hawksong for the young adult reading group I'm leading this weekend... and let me tell you what, it was great. Basically a sci-fi Romeo and Juliet, "Romeo" being a shapeshifter from human to snake and "Juliet" a human to bird... also they only get together to try to end the war, not because of love, although they do fall in love in the end. It was so great that I bought the next in the series called Snakecharm. The girl who wrote them, Amelia Atwater Rhodes is only 24 years old... pretty incredible! Anyway I'm just about done the second book... there are also falcon/humans, and they disturb the peace in this book, "Juliet" is also carring a baby girl... I think I have to wait until the next book to find out how much snake vs bird she will be. I had to order the 3rd book so I will next read the Seekers by Erin Hunter, it's for my independent reader book club.

As for the little guy... some of you know that early on at 18 months he had some developemental delays, as well as eating issues, that coupled with the PKU made him eligible for early intervention help. We had a motor skills specialist and a speech specailist working with him every month. Eventually he caught up with speech and some of the eating issues got resolved. But we still had the motor skills lady come visit because he was just at the border line, and it would make he eligible for head start. Well today we had our monthly visit and since our AZ trip got extended we had missed a month, he has advanced so well that in many areas he tested at 3 to 3 1/2 years... needless to say we are no longer eligible for early intervention services! Now if we could just get those PHE numbers up!!!!! We haven't heard back yet on last weeks test but lets all cross our fingers!!!!!

Poor Daddy

We did not really get to celebrate fathers day, we saw each other for a meer 2 minutes for the "baby swap" and then after I got off of work the girls asked me to join them for a snack and a beer. Being the great guy that he is Hubby didn't object when I asked him if that would be okay:) Now I feel kinda bad about it. He did get his presents early-yesterday... we got him his favorite type of coffee, and single burger frying pan and little burger flipper to go with it so he does not have so much to clean up when he wants to cook one burger. The kids and I and Lisa had an interesting day of trying to go to the lake but it being closed, then ice cream for the little man since he was sad upset not mean upset about the lake, then we went to the park where they ran around like mad men while Lisa and I - mostly Lisa, tried to keep up with them and avoid spills on the playground and in the pond, then we went girl shopping... which didn't altogether agree with the boys... although the little man did find that he could wear a camisole much like a chef's apron and declared he was a chef. I suppose I can live with my guilt once Daddy gets his anniversary/b-day gift! besides we didn't spend anytime together on mamas day!

pku it's fun to...

have a child who needs some specail attention, insurance companies who love to make life great by denying claims and now added to the list pharmicudical companies who harass you with 3-4 calls per month "letting" you know that the insurance company mailed me a check and as soon as it arrives... MAIL IT TO US!!! Like I don't have anything better to do then talk to someone about money I WILL owe them. The kicker is we only order from them once a month if that, so why all the phone calls, your insurance company just wrote the check, your insurance company mailed the check today, did you know that it's been 2 days since that check was mailed, it's now been 3 days did you get the check. Maybe next time I'll cash it and send it to them in pennies. It would cost quite a bit... but hey I'm getting tired of the calls, at least it would be kinda fun for me!!!!!!!

We've yet another blood test today. lets hope it is getting better, on the other hand he is now eating normal people rice, and he had spagetti o's. Only a fourth of a cup, but it's a start at some real food... sooner we can get him off the puree the better. oh yeah did I explain not only does he have pku but he has a hyper gag reflex. only my child.

funny how things in life change

I have a friend in England who swore he would never have kids, and even got himself fixed to avoid anyopps... guess what, tomorrow they've got a scheduled birth for their twins. Great guy, will undoubtbly make a great father! cheers.

so I'm reading the next book for the following week of the young adult reading group... don't really know why I even try... apparently the supervisor in charge is telling everyone they don't really have to read the book we are just going to talk about favorite books, and other stuff... this is not study hall in middle school! but I read anyway... what is my issue... so it's entitled hawksong, and it's a really good book, if I hadn't been so tired this week I would have it finished already. two warring "clans" birds vs. snakes too many dead between the two and the young new leaders are looking for a way to stop the fighting and death. NO cussing that's a big plus, at least I won't be afraid ofbeing lynched by the parents for this one.

Well I've got two swimmers on my hands, we finally made it to the lake, the first night I fell asleep and no one wanted to bother me:) the second attempt we arrived just as they closed down the park due to thunderstorms... had two very unhappy boys then. But yesterday we went early in the day and it was beautiful... the little man sure can swim, and the little guy... well he tries to do everything his big brother does... it's so cute! I hear they all went again tonight while I was at work and had great fun!

superviser extraor-dumb-aire

So stupid me I volunteered to take over the young adult book club at Borders for the next two saturdays. As the person who is doing the reading group is a superviser I figured some screening may have gone into the choosing of the titles... well I thought horribly horribly wrong. Stupid me again for reading the entire thing in one sitting last night/this morning... couldn't sleep... well the book is entitled Wake, and right now I don't rememeber the author... it's a great read, a little weird how it's written, but great story... for a very mature audience of young ADULTS!!!! there is the f word countless times, under age drinking, and read between the lines teens having sex. I know that is the real world but we should not be promoting a book so blatantly full of controversy... if parents have a hard time with Harry Potter... dear lord what are they going to do with this.

is it june?

okay so it is june and it's 100 degrees out... I actually turned the AC on in the house... and of course horrible allergy reactions have already started... and people don't believe in global warming. I don't think I mentioned that after 2 weeks of searching I finally called someplace that didn't responsd to my rain barrel request as if I asked how much a trip to mars would be. McCutcheons in frederick has them on occasion and I called on the right day... I already picked them up... that was interesting... poor little man was pretty squished in his car seat for the 5 min ride to daddy's work and car! Now I've got to make a list of the other parts I need. I was all upset at first that I'm only working one day this week at the Gap but hey I'm doing an overnight tonight, so i'll be tired tomorrow, and it's hotter then well you know - so we can take the boys to the lake since we got our park pass! And we can build the rain barrels, maybe even work on the back bathroom... cause I'm not about to go out and paint in this weather! I still have some gardening to do, I have about half of the new section torn out and planted... although two of my cucs have gone missing... I planted squash, cucs, watermelon and honeydew. I think it was a rabbit not the heat that got my cucs. I suppose at night I could continue working on the garden too. so much to do... but today I just slept and rested and read because it's going to be a long 24 hrs.

still melancholy

One of the cool things about working at Borders is I get to listen to promo Cds and here is something that I can't seem to stop. Maurice and I had such similar taste in music and he loved music, heck his first suicide note was based on music and which songs made him think of which people in his life. So I hear something new that I know he will like/love and immediately I turn to go to the phone... who the @#$% am I calling- 666 you've reached hell who may I direct your call to. Yeah so needless to say a few CDs came out recently to make me think this, couple that with very bad blood scores for the little guy and you've got one sorry chic!

I really should not have rented P.S. I love you! If you don't want to cry non stop during a movie don't buy/rent this... although I have to say it is a great story... that is leaving me wishfully thinking. Just one note would have done.

that time of year

It's june and this used to be my favorite time of year, but for the last 5 years it's just become a sort of countdown of lasts of a life and a lifetime that seems so much further away then just 5 years. I know I should be beaming with happiness- we can play outside, I have two wonderful boys, a great husband who is a wonderful father... but still there is something lurking in the depths of my brain and I know I'm never going to be able to let go, to truelly recover ... although this year for the first time I'm angry... and in a weird way it feels good to be angry. I am reading a book, curiously enough it was a book laying on the info desk that had to be reshelved and it caught my eye because of the title- seven ts... so I read the back and discovered it was a book on suicide recovery. It's got some religious aspects to it... but I actually could relate because it wasn't saying use god to help you through, it was find something even if just meditation to help you. It also suggested getting a pet... my little man is not a pet but I would hate to know what would have happened if I had not become pregnant... I was spiraling down a bad path, I think he saved my life whether physically or mentally I can't answer. The author, Judy Collins, 13 years after the suicide of her son wrote this book, now it was her son and that just seems so far worse then a significant other. I guess though she didn't fight with him on that day and while she probably has a bunch of what if's floating around in her head, the biggest of my what if's is... was it my fault... I know I didn't put that gun to his head but what if my words to him were the same as a gun and that bullet.

baby boy

my baby boy is a 4 year old... sniffle... sniffle, sob. okay I call him my little man so it should not really be so shocking that he is yet another year older. I can't believe that 4 years ago to the hour I had just had my first boy. Actually thank goodness grandpa had gone and gotten burger king cause to the minute I know I was seriously chowing down, hadn't eaten all day. I remember also that I had not yet really held my new little guy as they had whisked him off quickly due to a not so perfect apgar score... in the long run perfectly fine, but a bit unnerving. The hospital experience at Shady Grove Adventist was at best horrible... they weren't even going to let me see my hubby after they moved me to my new room... I still hadn't even seen my baby since they had whisked him away, but the hubby fought and ended up sleeping at the foot of my bed, which was handy since the night nurse was horrible, they brought the little man in for me to try to feed and she was so rough with him, and that would have too much without the support of my hubby. If it were not all for my little man I would have rated that day as the second worse day of my life.

back to the present, so how did we spend today... I had to work of course until 5... but on my lunch break we explored a new store that the little man has been dying to go to. You know the build-a-bear store... well there is a monster truck version, and boy 'o' boy did he have fun. He built a firetruck monster truck... I have to admit it's pretty darn cool. of course my little guy wasn't impressed that he did not get a truck... there is always another birthday though... guess where we will be going in november. the little man also got Toy Story II on dvd, miss lisa got him Buzz Lightyear, uncle johnny got him a very cool firemans dress up outfit -which he wore all day except for karate class, and grandma and grandpa got him(well all of us) and season park pass so that we can go swimming at the lake all summer long... and we can go explore other MD parks for free! we also braved chuck e cheese for dinner and let the kids run wild. all in all a terrific evening even if I am all sad because he is growing up toooooo fast!